A Healing Journey

With the end of 2012 fast approaching, I have been doing some thinking. I'm just not happy. I mean, in some ways yes...I am happy. It's more just...me. I was looking in a full mirror the other day and I realized, I don't look so great. I'm really skinny. I already knew I was currently underweight but it just hit looking at myself.  I look a bit tired too. On top of all that...I don't feel great either. I've been struggling so much with my depression and anxiety that I've really fallen a bit health wise. Some people eat a lot when they get depressed...I hardly eat. I already struggle with keeping weight on. I've had friends be jealous of me in the past because I don't have a problem with weight gain...and as one of them has found out recently, being skinny isn't exactly all it's cracked up to be.  I might be small, but I am not healthy. I've been trying to eat more, but that's just a start. I need to eat healthier too. Healthy for me. I need to exercise because I am so completely out of shape, that alone depresses me. I used to dance...I got a ballet work out video. I'll just say I completely took dance for granted. I never realize just how far out of shape I got. My entire body ached for days. I decided I probably should start smaller.

Being healthy isn't just about the body. I need to work on healing my mind and spirit as well. I wish I read more. I've always been a total bookworm but I can barely focus on anything. My lack of focus just seems to get worse. It concerns me with my wanting to go back to school. That's part of my healing journey. I'm 27 but I don't really do anything except hide away from the world. Depression and anxiety can do that to a person. I haven't always been this way. It being this bad is a more recent thing. I'm going to do what I can to further my mind. Expand it. Exercise it. Actually use it. At least that's my plan. Hopefully it goes well. Getting out and getting healthy should help my mental health as well.

As for my spirit....well I imagine there are a few things dealing with that. It's not just my beliefs I really need to work on. Establish a bit more, and bring it into my daily life. I need to do something that makes me feel better about myself....like I'm doing some good. I think it's important for people to do what they can. I definitely need a hobby or two as well. Or at least work on the ones I do have that I just sort of keep tossing aside.

Well...This post is basically a jumble of words and thoughts. That's kind of how my mind is though. A jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings. I don't like to think of this as  resolution...because that's sort of asking to be broken. But it's my goal that by 2014 I'm a much healthier, happier person.

Blessed be my dear friends.

~Thistle